


It Only Hurts When I Laugh

by cdelbridge



Category: johnlock - Fandom
Genre: Broken Bones, Injured Sherlock, M/M, Riot - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2020-04-07 12:57:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 10,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19085509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cdelbridge/pseuds/cdelbridge
Summary: Sherlock injured himself and is not a good patient!





	1. Chapter 1

Mycroft’s big black car was waiting at the kerb as John helped Sherlock navigate from the wheelchair to the backseat. The normally graceful detective was anything but with the thigh high cast on his left leg and the crutches. He didn’t look like his normal elegant self either, wearing very baggy sweatpants with the leg cut out for the cast and a baggy t-shirt to cover the bandages. 

After settling Sherlock and his leg, returning the wheelchair and getting himself into the car, John was exhausted. Sherlock was sitting with his leg up and his eyes closed. John sat down next to him as the car began to move.

Turning to his spouse, he said, “How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”

Sherlock, head back and eyes closed, loudly said, “I need my leg to magically heal, I need my spouse to blow me, I need to blow my spouse, and I need a case! And maybe a pain pill.” That last part a little quieter.

”Well I can’t do anything about the first one unfortunately. The second I will gladly take care of at home. The third would be nice but I can wait. The fourth is a go as Lestrade has left a stack of cold cases for you. And if you give me a second, I’ll get your meds.”

“I didn’t want to say anything but I bumped my foot getting in the car. I nearly screamed but didn’t want to alarm you.” 

Sherlock’s face was covered with a light sheen of sweat John noticed. He fished in his pocket and pulled out a bottle. “I’m so sorry! Do you want one or two?” He was getting out two even before his spouse answered with, “Two please.”

“When we get home I have something in mind to make you comfortable, relaxed and maybe fall asleep. OK?” John leaned over and gently touched the sharp cheekbones. “I love you idiot but you need to take better care of yourself!”

“Love you John. And it’s not my fault the burglar threw me off the bridge! I just need to land better the next time. And what do you have in mind to make me feel better?”

“We’re almost home. You’ll see shortly.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John comes up with way to make Sherlock feel better.

Sherlock was lying on their bed, propped up with pillows (including his leg) and naked. Getting into the house had been an ordeal and he was hot and sweaty when he’d finally made it to their sitting room. John had intercepted him before he could sit down and suggested he make himself comfortable on their bed. He’d agreed and steered himself down the hall. As he had entered the bedroom John had thrown out, “And naked please.”

So, here he was, naked, uncomfortable and curious. Getting his clothes off had been such an ordeal he’d vowed to not wear clothes again until the cast came off. John had smirked and disappeared into the bathroom, saying it was fine with him. 

Sherlock listened to his spouse running water in their bathroom and then turning the water off. He appeared in the doorway with a basin of water, a cloth and the detectives favorite body wash. As John made his way to the bed, he said, “Since you can’t get your cast wet but are probably feeling very grubby, I thought you might like a sponge bath given by your favorite doctor and loving spouse.”

“John, I’m not sure how that is going to help. I am perfectly capable of cleaning myself.” Sherlock crossed his arms over his chest and glared.

“Just cater to my whims for a few minutes, ok? I’ve missed having you home and in bed with me so let me enjoy this. I think you’ll feel better clean as well. We can wash your hair later if you like.” John set the basin on the bedside table and put the cloth in to wet it. “Okay?”

“Okay.”, he responded with an eye roll.

John took the cloth, applied the body wash and reached for the detectives left arm. He started at the top, washing down the muscular arm until he finally got to the wrist. He took his husband’s left hand and washed between his fingers and over his wedding band. “I’m always afraid when you hurt yourself that they’ll have to cut your wedding band off. Not that we couldn’t get another but I’m sentimental about this one.”

John put the cloth in the water, rinsed it then began rinsing what he’d just washed. He then moved to the other side of their bed to get the right arm. “All these bruises on your gorgeous flesh, when you fell over the side of that bridge, I felt my heart stop.” He repeated the rinsing technique then started on his husband’s chest. “You know, most people probably don’t think you have much hair on your chest but you do. It’s just light in color but gets darker as it heads south.” The cloth headed south as well as he spoke.

Sherlock had closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the pillows but John knew he wasn’t asleep. The cloth again was rinsed and he then cleaned the soap off the detective’s torso. 

Skipping the pelvic region for the moment, the doctor applied his soaped cloth to his husband’s left leg, or at least as far as he could get around the cast, before moving to the right leg. The whole time he continued a soothing cadence with his voice and cloth. “Do you know what surprised me the most about you being away from home? How I can’t sleep without you. Even after you were out of danger, I still slept in the room with you because I couldn’t stand coming home to an empty flat and an empty bed. I tried one night but couldn’t sleep so I came back to the hospital at three am to sleep with you.”

Rinsing the just washed areas, he asked, “Can you sit up so I can do your back?” Sherlock did so without comment. John continued washing and talking. “Do you know when I first discovered that I was in love with you, I didn’t know what to do. Why would you be interested in me? I mean I’m a short, average looking doctor with big issues.”

Finishing his husband’s back, John indicated that he should lay back again which Sherlock did, keeping his eyes fixed on John’s hands. John rinsed the cloth again and added some more soap. Now he moved to his husband’s crotch and began gently cleaning his husband’s inner thighs (again), then his balls and finally his hardening cock. “You were the most gorgeous person I’d ever met and I couldn’t believe you’d be interested in me.”

John rinsed his aroused spouse then put the cloth back in the basin. “Then one magical, miraculous day, I realized you loved me just as much as I loved you.” The doctor kneeled on the side of the bed, leaned over and without warning took his husband’s cock in all the way to the root. Sherlock let out a loud howl and pressed his head back on his pillows. John bobbed his head a couple times, then pulled off to run his tongue all over his husband’s rigid member. “And I never want to be without you so don’t do anything like this again!” 

Sherlock nodded his head and hoarsely whispered, “I won’t John.”

With that promise, John sucked his husband back into his mouth. He hadn’t realized how much he’d enjoy giving head until he started dating his husband. Now taking him in as far as possible and then letting him back out, he gave it his all, showing Sherlock how much he was loved. When he felt his husband harden even more and try to fuck his face, he held him down and moved faster until he felt Sherlock unload in his mouth and heard him yell in desire.

Reaching up to hug his husband close, he heard a snore and realized Sherlock was sound asleep. Smiling, he kissed his husband and held him close.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being house-bound gets the best of our detective.

“Sherlock, what are you doing?”, asked John as he leisurely leaned against the door jam with his arms folded across his chest.

His spouse, lying flat on the sitting room floor with his arm under the sofa, replied, “if you must know John, I’m looking for my right shoe. I can only find my left for some strange reason.”

John rolled his eyes but said mildly, “and what would you be needing shoes for?”

“Do try to keep up John,”, Sherlock wedged himself between the coffee table and the sofa and pushed himself to a sitting position. “I haven’t been to Bart’s in forever and Molly has a new diseased brain for me. If I could only find my shoes!”

Watching his husband manipulate himself to a standing position, John said, “I thought you weren’t going to wear clothes again until the cast came off?”

Sherlock stomped around the sitting room with his crutches. “I can’t very well go naked now can I? If only I could find my god damn shoes!” He suddenly stopped the stomping and slowly spun around to face his spouse. “It was you! You took my shoes!”

“Do keep up Sherlock!”, John smirked and came towards his spouse, stopping right in front of him. “Took you long enough which tells me you’re in no shape to be leaving the house nor will you until I deem you’re ready.” Before his spouse could utter a word, John continued, “You nearly died! You had a serious puncture wound as well as had two rods put in your leg and a post-op infection. So, as your husband who loves you and as the keeper of this particular asylum, I will do whatever it takes to help you heal.” John started to walk towards the kitchen, “including drugging your tea. You may want to sit down before you fall over.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John doesn’t fell good so injured Sherlock takes care of him.

“John!”, Sherlock levered himself into their bedroom while calling his spouse. “John!”

He found his spouse lying on their bed with his eyes closed and a grimace on his face. Without opening his eyes, John said, “ Do you need something Sherlock?”

Sherlock took note of his spouse and made a deduction. “Well since you’re not feeling well I was going to see if there was anything I could do to help. Headache?” He came closer to the bed and sat down. 

“Yes! Could you get me some paracetamol please?”, John said without opening his eyes. “I think I have some water right here.”

Sherlock stood, balanced carefully and leaned over to kiss his spouse. “I’ll be right back John.”

Sherlock returned shortly with a thermos of tea (so it wouldn’t spill) and the pills. He handed a couple to John, who sat up without opening his eyes, took the pills and swallowed them with a mouthful of tea. He laid back down and tried to get comfortable.

Sherlock asked if he needed anything else and after receiving a “not right now”, carefully climbed into the bed on his side. Lying down next to John, he cradled him tenderly against his chest and rubbed his head.

John smiled and said, “Thank you Sherlock. I should really be taking care of you but this headache is kicking my arse. I’m starting to feel drowsy already.”

Sherlock nuzzled his spouse’s hair and said,”I hope so. I gave you two pain pills as well as a muscle relaxer.”

But John was already asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cast is still on!

“Do not pout!”, John looked across the huge expanse of Mycroft’s car to his husband. They were on their way home from the orthopedic specialist appointment and Sherlock was sporting a new cast. To his bitter disappointment, it was the same size as the previous one.

I really don’t know what you expected, I mean you knew it wasn’t healed.” John continued on. Sherlock remained stonily staring out the window. “And maybe when we go back in three weeks, they’ll be able to reduce the size.” John added, trying to be hopeful.

“Oh please John! Quit trying to be helpful! My leg itches, my muscles are atrophying, my mind is rotting and I want to wash my leg so badly I could scream!”, the detective yelled. “I haven’t been able to wear real clothing in weeks! I can’t believe I actually got dressed for this!”

John’s patience snapped! “Well I’m sure we’re all glad you got dressed Sherlock! God knows the neighbors see enough of your junk when you hang out the window to yell at traffic!” The doctor turned to glare out the window on his side.

A loud pouting/glaring silence reigned for several blocks. Finally Sherlock broke the silence, “I’m sorry John. I’ve been a dick and I’m taking it out on you. You’ve been wonderful to me and don’t think I don’t appreciate you.” He ruined the effect, slightly, by continuing to glare out the window.

John, surprised beyond words, said, “ Well, thank you. It’s nice to hear even if it doesn’t exactly sound like you. Let me guess, Mrs Hudson told you what to say?”

”Told me I was an arse, reminded me how good you were and how much I loved you and then proceeded to threaten my life.” They both smiled at this.

“So.” John said.

“So.”, agreed Sherlock.

Reaching between the front and back seats, John raised the concealing glass and muted the noise level. He then reached for his belt saying, “God I’ve missed you!”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “John! My fucking leg hurts!”

John Watson-Holmes was happily puttering away in the kitchen when he heard a scream and a loud thump from the sitting room. Running to the noise, he saw his spouse rolling around on the floor, clutching his leg and shrieking.

“Jesus! Sherlock! What the hell happened? Are you ok?” John moved to help his maimed husband however he could.

Sherlock panted heavily in pain and yelled, “mother fucking leg cramp John! I’m in agony! Shoot me! Smother me! Jesus Christ!” He continued rolling on the floor, clutching his leg above the cast and yelling.

“Ok, let me help.” John grabbed two pain pills and two muscle relaxers and helped his husband swallow them down. Rolling Sherlock onto his right side, he began massaging his left buttock and whatever leg muscles he could reach. “You’ve been in that cast for weeks. Your muscles haven’t moved and they’re protesting.” John continued massaging as he spoke.

“I fucking know that Dr. Watson,” his spouse grumbled, “but it fucking hurts!”

John could guess the level of pain Sherlock was experiencing by the excessive swearing since he never really swore, except in bed. Continuing the massage, he said, “the pills will kick in shortly, until then try not to move much. And whatever you do, try not to flex your foot!”

“Ahhh!! Jesus, John!”, the consulting detective shrieked.

“I said don’t flex! So what do you do? Flex! Idiot!” John said lovingly, as he continued massaging.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cast is getting the better of the detective.

Thump, thump, thump. “John,” Sherlock and his crutches appeared in the doorway, “would you cut my cast off?”

John Watson, calmly reading the paper at the breakfast table, turned a page peacefully and replied, “no Sherlock.”

The detective grumbled and thumped back down the hall.

Fifteen minutes later,

“John, where is our hacksaw?”, Sherlock was perched in the doorway of the sitting room awaiting an answer from his spouse.

”Hacksaw? Oh, yeah, that. We donated it to charity, right after you broke your leg.”, the doctor retorted.

His spouse turned without a word and stomped off moodily.

Twenty minutes later,

”Reciprocating saw?”

”You broke it trying to cut off a padlock.”, his spouse calmly replied.

”Sharp knives?”

”We live in England.”, John reminded him.

”Fuck!!!!”, his husband roared as he stomped off down the hallway.

Ten minutes later,

“Dremel Tool?”, Sherlock asked desperately.

”Don’t have one.”

”Fuck me!!!”, Sherlock made a furious lap around the room, stopping in front of John’s chair again. “John, if you love me at all, please cut this cast off. The itching is making me crazy!”

”I do love you which is why it’s staying on until the orthopedist says it’s ok to come off. Deal with it! Think of something else to get your mind off it.”, John turned a page of the book he was reading.

”Will you blow me?”, his spouse asked hopefully.

”I thought you’d never ask.”, said the doctor, putting his book aside happily.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock is going stir-crazy so the boys go out, sort of.

“How much longer in this damn cast?”, Sherlock asked his spouse.

“Your next appointment is in a week and a half. Don’t get your hopes up that you’re healed. I think you’ll be in a similar cast for another three weeks, at least.”, John was behind Sherlock in the bathtub, washing his detective’s hair. He had found a way to wash without getting his cast wet, involving plastic bags and an amazing amount of duct tape, but they both enjoyed John washing his hair. Sitting behind Sherlock in the bath, he rinsed the dark curls with clean water then wrapped his arms around his husband and squeezed.

“God I love you! Let me get out then help you up, okay?” John stood up and grabbed a towel for himself. Wrapping it around his waist, he let the water out of the tub then helped Sherlock brace himself then lever out of the tub and hand him a towel once he was upright.

“I cannot wait! I feel so useless and I hate it!”, leaning against the sink, Sherlock dried his hair while John dried the rest of him and removed the bags. Wrapping his dressing gown around himself, he grabbed his crutches and moved into the sitting room only to be confronted by Lestrade.

”Gee Lestrade, you miss me so much that you have to barge in while I’m in the bath. Did you even knock?”, Sherlock grumpily moved towards the sofa where he reclined with his leg up. “Need something or just stop by to chat? And tell my brother to ease up on the suction, your neck is a mess.”

John stifled a grin as he followed his spouse into the sitting room. “Hello Greg. Want some tea or are you here on official business?”

“Both actually.”, leaning against the wall closest to the sofa, he pulled out a stack of files which he handed to Sherlock. “We really appreciate the cold case help but I need your help with a new one. I’m on my way to the crime scene and I really need you. However, since your leg doesn’t allow you to travel easily I thought you could follow along via video link. Just tell me what to look at and I’ll move the camera around for you. Please? I really need your help on this one.”

John came back at this moment with the tea. Handing Lestrade a cup, he smiled and mouthed, “thank you!”.

Lestrade winked and turned to the detective. “Only if you feel up to it, but Anderson is out of his depth and this one has potential higher consequences.”

A snort from the sofa, “Doesn’t take much to befuddle Anderson. Ok, call us when you get there and we’ll see how this goes. If nothing else, I may have to send John if your team is exceptionally inept.”

Lestrade smirked and moved to the door. Sherlock called him back at the last second.

”Oh and Lestrade, I mean Greg, thanks.”


	9. Why Is Your Cast Purple?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock is bad while John isn’t home.

“Sherlock,” said one slightly confused doctor to his spouse, “why is your cast purple?”

Sherlock, who was reclining on the couch with his leg on pillows, said simply, “It’s always been purple John. You really need to work on your observation skills.”

Ignoring his spouse’s remark, the doctor came further into the sitting room, all the while looking at the thigh-high purple cast. “No it wasn’t Sherlock. This is brand new. Your orthopedist appointment isn’t for another two weeks. I was out of town less than twenty-four hours! What the hell did you do?!?!”

“Seriously John!”, the detective shifted uncomfortably. “Nothing!”

”Nothing? How about I make a deduction and see how right I am, okay?”, he leaned into his spouse and looked him in the eye.”You took advantage of me being away for less then twenty-four hours to do something stupid. I’m going to guess you tried to cut your cast off or jumped into the bathtub to get it wet.” His spouse squirmed uncomfortably. “It didn’t work out the way you planned so you went to the orthopedic specialist to have him cut it off for you. But, my lame-brained spouse didn’t bargain for said orthopedic guy having me on speed dial. We decided you needed a bright purple cast this time around.”

The detective leaned a little further back. “It wasn’t my intention John. I was trying to scratch and needed to get my scratcher a little further in. It got stuck. While trying to get it out, things happened. Not my fault.. And the color matches my favorite shirt.”

”Right. And the doctor also renewed your pain pills and muscle relaxers because you made such a mess of things that you were in agony.” John put his head closer to Sherlock’s and said, “Anymore stupidity and the next time I’ll have your ass hospitalized and/or sedated.” Kissing his spouse’s forehead, he said, “almost time for your next dose?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I broke my foot, they asked if I wanted a scarlet and grey cast (OSU football fans are rabid and I worked for OSU). I settled on black.


	10. “Bored”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inactivity gets the better of our detective.

Doctor John Watson had been at work for less than twelve minutes (he’d counted), when the first text came in. 

“Bored.” SH 

“You’ll survive. Read a book. Write a book. Do an experiment. Don’t burn the house down. Love you.”

“You’re brilliant John!” SH

Understandably John was a little disturbed by this pronouncement but didn’t have time to think about it as his first patient walked in.

The next text came an hour later but John was with a patient so didn’t see it right away.

“John, you really need a law degree. It would be so helpful.” SH

The long suffering doctor gritted his teeth and texted back.

“For what???? What did you do? You have a broken leg and are housebound! You better not be in jail! But if you are Lestrade knows about the “Sherlock Bail Money” account.”

“I’m fine. Just saying.” SH

“Uh huh.”

Not quite an hour later:

“John! Did you know it is possible to break your penis??? I wonder how you do that?” SH

“Sherlock! Do I need to come home???”

“No. Unless you want to.” SH

“Are you at home?”

“Mostly.” SH

“Mostly??? WTF does that mean???”

“Just what I said John. How goes your work day?” SH 

“Now you’re fucking with me! What are you doing?!?!”

“Entertaining myself like you suggested.” SH 

“Ugh!!!”

Not fifteen minutes later:

“Yellow is an abomination. Except for blonde hair. I’m partial to blonde hair.” SH

“Are you experimenting with the left over meds in the bathroom again?”

“Not me John. Oh look, sheep.” SH

“There are no hallucinagins in the house! What did you do? Fuck this! I can’t leave you alone for one day! I’m on my way home.”

John made his excuses and ran out the door. Not bothering with the tube, he snagged a cab. Arriving breathless at their front door, he burst in to find Sherlock, naked, foot propped up, eating ice cream from the carton and watching the telly.

“Oh hello John. Who knew daytime TV was so insane. Daytime talk shows are the worst. Why would you go out in public and tell people this stuff?” Sherlock held up his spoon, “want some?”

“This is what you’ve been doing? Watching telly and sharing it with me?” John was dumbstruck.

“Yes. I think my mind is gone though, how do people watch this trash? I can feel my sanity leaking out my ears!”

John had nothing to say, just grabbed the spoon and sat down next to his spouse.


	11. “Lestrade!  Where’s Sherlock?!”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John can’t find his spouse.

John Watson arrived home with a bag of food and a massive headache. He had had one of his worst days ever as a doctor and was thinking of getting seriously drunk and maybe attacking his spouse. Smiling more than he had all day, John climbed the seventeen steps to his front door to find Lestrade pacing the sitting room.

”Hey Greg!”, John felt his headache receding. “Got a case? Where’s Sherlock?”

”John!” Greg didn’t waste time, “ Seriously, where is Sherlock?”

~~~~~~

He wasn’t in the flat, Mrs Hudson’s or the basement. In a moment of insanity, they even tried the roof. No Sherlock. And of course he didn’t answer his phone. John’s headache was back with a vengeance.

He was pacing the sitting room and ranting at Lestrade. “OK, deep breaths! Where would he go?”

”The morgue!”, the two men said simultaneously. Lestrade picked up his mobile to call Molly who picked up on the second ring.

”Hey Greg!”, Molly said brightly. “Haven’t seen much of you lately.”

”Yeah I know. Hey, um, have you seen Sherlock?” Greg asked worriedly. “He’s not home.”

”Not since he broke his leg. I’ve been sending him pictures and autopsy videos so he won’t feel left out.” Molly said with a chuckle, “but he’s not very mobile.”

”Very true but he’s not home, he’s not answering his phone and we’re worried. Would you let us know if you see him?”

”Of course Greg. I get off in a couple hours. If you haven’t found him by then, let me know and I’ll help you look.” Molly hung up.

~~~~~~~~

”Ok, now what?” John was pacing again. “We could try Mycroft.”

”Does it strike you as weird that we’re discussing a full grown adult who isn’t mentally deficient and technically can go wherever he wants without permission?”, Greg remarked as he watched John pace. “Anybody else would just wait until he came home and find out where he’d been and what he’d been up to as you ate dinner.”

”You’re right Greg but Sherlock, while an adult, has the self-preservation instincts of a simple minded gnat.” John continued pacing. “He has a broken leg, he’s constantly being pursued by disgruntled criminals and he’s an idiot!” John’s voice rose as he continued, “and I’d die if I ever lost him.”

“When did you last talk to him?”, Lestrade asked. “Maybe we can apply reason and common sense to this.”

John had to think. “I got a text from him around noon then nothing else. I was slammed and didn’t pay much attention but it’s unusual not to hear from him constantly throughout the day.” John stopped and stared out the window, “could he have been kidnapped? We should try the hospitals! Maybe he hurt himself again!”

To be continued....


	12. Sherlock’s Day...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WTF Sherlock!

The object of all this drama had started off the day well. He’d awoke with a very nice erection which he’d poked his husband awake to appreciate. They had dealt with their mutual erections nicely then John had climbed in the shower (one can’t go to work all come-y!) while Sherlock made breakfast. He’d kissed his spouse, groped his crotch and sent him on his way to work.

He was doing much better on his crutches but still didn’t feel the need to wear much more than his dressing gown at home. He had a full day planned so after texting John a few times (OK a dozen), he got down to work. He had planned an experiment that was vitally important to a two hundred year old cold case and was striding (in a sense) about the kitchen ranting into his mobile when he’d tripped, his crutches went one way, Sherlock another and his mobile flew through the air landing in the sink with a splash.

The day could have still been marginally salvaged but our boy doesn’t have the patience to put his phone in a bowl of rice (or rice for that matter) so after swearing loudly, he decided to go get a new one. While he knew John wouldn’t appreciate him being out, he planned to be back shortly so John would never know. Getting dressed wasn’t fun but he managed and even found his right shoe (John had forgotten to hide it after his last doctor appointment) so finagled himself down the stairs and out the door to hail a cab.

Now even with a thigh-high cast and crutches, Sherlock’s insane cab hailing ability was still with him. One pulled up, the detective hopped in and off he went.

All of this would have been perfectly fine but the universe hadn’t had Sherlock to play with lately and everything went to hell. Kindly attend...

Not far from the mobile store, traffic came to a complete standstill. Nothing was moving. Now ordinarily Sherlock could entertain himself with his phone but he didn’t have that. So, after sitting for two whole minutes, the detective opted to walk the rest of the way.

Hobbling down an alley that was also a quick shortcut to where he needed to be, Sherlock was enjoying himself. Breathing in deeply as he moved along, he thought, “John is not my boss! I can leave the house whenever I want. Just because I married him doesn’t mean he owns me body and soul.” Feeling free, Sherlock turned a corner down a narrow space that would take him right where he needed to be when he tripped across a body. Literally.

To be continued....


	13. Sherlock’s Day, cont.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More detective insanity

For the second time that day, Sherlock found himself on the ground with his leg protesting. Turning to look at the body he tripped over, he realized that unfortunately (for the detective) the man wasn’t physically dead but dead drunk. Resisting the strong urge to beat him with his crutches, Sherlock instead hoisted himself painfully upright. The man didn’t even notice.

Continuing a little more carefully to the store, he managed to open the front door, wedge himself in then open it far enough to get himself and his crutches inside. Out of all the people in the place, the only person who noticed his plight was a guy with spiked purple hair, a leather jacket and face piercings. He was on his way to get the door but Sherlock managed by himself (John must be seriously rubbing off though, thought Sherlock because he thanked the man for trying).

However, this (temporary) niceness was quickly put to the test as the detective found an unoccupied salesperson and explained his needs. It wasn’t the salesperson mind you but the disgruntled woman who tried to jump in front of the detective that set off the debacle. Kindly attend....

”I need a new phone as I got this one wet.” Sherlock explained as he produced his.

”Ah! That happens!”, the salesperson took his old phone. “This isn’t very old. Would you like the same type?”

“Why are you serving him? I’ve been here for an hour and you’re just ignoring me!”, came a strident female voice.

The person helping Sherlock, Ken, made a barely audible groan and said, “Ma’am, I’m not ignoring you. Someone else is trying to help you so I’ll leave you in their capable hands as I help this gentleman.”

”I’ve been here longer and I’m not getting serviced. This man just came in off the street and you’re all over him! What, do you think he’s cute? And I bet the cast is a sympathy ploy.” The obnoxious woman just would not quit.

Now, Sherlock has been cooped up inside with no outlet for his pain, ire and just general Sherlockiness for far too long. To be fair, he did take a deep breath and try to control himself. However, the woman made to step in front of the detective, knocking him off balance. Good intentions, manners and self control went out the window as the detective went down for the third time that day.

To be continued....


	14. Oh dear god....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words don’t even describe.....

Lestrade’s phone rang. John stopped pacing and looked hopeful. Molly was staring out the window but turned when Greg said, “how the fuck did he do that?”

“What!” John yelled. “What Greg! Tell me!”

Greg looked a little dazed but said, “Sherlock went to get a new mobile, started a riot, got arrested and is now at the hospital.”

But we're getting ahead of ourselves! Let’s back up a little.....

Sherlock found himself falling for the third time that day and instinctively reached out to catch himself by grabbing the nearest thing, in this case the obnoxious woman who had caused his fall in the first place. She was wearing a pair of ridiculous heels and went down as well, screaming “Assault! This pervert just grabbed me!”

She landed on our boy causing him to yell, “get the fuck off my leg!” Followed by, “in your dreams I’d assault you! One: I don’t like vulgar, overbearing women who are trying to compensate for being stupid and hope nobody will notice. You’re only a loud, overbearing bitch because you think the store will give you freebies to get rid of you. I’d advise them to toss your arse out the door personally. And two: I don’t even like women!”

The woman had picked herself up but at Sherlock’s words, screamed, picked up a display of phone cases and started throwing them at the prone man who was trying to get up. The purple haired punk came to his assistance and helped haul Sherlock to his feet. Not getting the desired effect, the woman then launched herself at the purple haired man who let go of Sherlock and they all went down together.

The store manager came running out of the backroom yelling, “the police are on their way!” He slipped on a phone case and went down, taking another employee with him.

The wise had fled by this time, several people had started filming and a few had joined in the scuffle after being taken down by rolling bodies. In between grunts and punches, Sherlock’s voice could be heard saying things like, “and just because you didn’t get what you wanted for your tenth birthday does not excuse your behavior” and “please! You have a clitoris the size of a banana.” 

To be continued....


	15. I Can’t Let You Out Of My Sight!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you have any common sense?

John was pacing back and forth in front of his husband who was sitting on a hospital gurney. “You make me crazy! How did you start a riot picking up a new phone?” 

”Oh don’t ask me John!” Sherlock was being overly dramatic of course. “This nasty woman was out to get me and it went downhill from there.”

”Only you!” John stopped pacing and glared at his husband. “How do you do it? Why do you do it? You’re a walking disaster!”

”Why? Why?”, Sherlock practically squealed. “You treat me like a simple minded idiot who can’t find his way to the toilet! I’m your husband not a simpleton you took in for the tax deduction and to fuck whenever the urge strikes you. I don’t have to ask your permission to do anything!”

John just stopped and stared at his husband. Hanging his head, he said, “you’re right and I’m sorry.” Moving closer to Sherlock, he moved between his husband’s spread legs. “I really don’t mean to. You just have no regard for your well-being and I’d die if I lost you.”

Sherlock looked at John who wouldn’t meet his eye. Taking his index finger, he raised John’s chin and looked him in the eye, “I’d die if I ever lost you. But we won’t. I love you John Watson and I waited what seems a lifetime to find you.” Pulling John to him, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

John reached up and touched his husband’s bruised cheekbone. “I love you Sherlock Holmes and I’m not going anywhere either. Come on, let’s get you and your newly broken ribs, bruised cheekbone and previously broken leg home”

”Don’t forget the scraped knuckles,” the detective reminded him. “I gave as good as I got.”


	16. John!  I’m Feeling Very Oral!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock takes a couple pain pills.

“John! I’m feeling very oral!” Sherlock happily announced.

“What?” John had been sound asleep.

“Oral John! I think I have erogenous zones in my teeth! I want to suck! Wakey wakey!”, the detective bounced on their bed.

“Sherlock, how many pain pills did you take?”, his husband sat up, looking concerned. 

“Two John! I have to admit that I was fucking hurting but now I’m feeling good!” Sherlock kind of bounced around the bedroom.

“Uh huh. Did you take a muscle relaxer as well?” John watched his husband float past him.

“Why yes I did John, two. My leg was cramping and both my ribs and leg hurt like a mo-fo!” Sherlock threw himself back on their bed.

“A mo-fo? What the hell have you been watching?” John was still concerned but was admittedly trying not to laugh at his spouse. “Which pain pills did you take?”

“The one’s in the bathroom!” Sherlock exclaimed happily. 

“Sherlock!”, John climbed out of bed and tried to lasso his loopy spouse. “Those are twice as strong as your other ones! No wonder you feel good.”

“I want to suck John!”, Sherlock sang as he moved into the kitchen, his crutches rattling. “Can I suck your cock John?”

“Why don’t we wait until you come down a little,” his husband suggested.

“Want to see my cock John? I’m not erect though.” Sherlock looked at his own genitals sadly. He poked his flaccid penis. “Wake up!”

The doctor just gave up, “why don’t you come back to bed. If you’re good, I’ll let you lick my sac.”

“Ok John!”, Sherlock followed his husband down the hallway to their bedroom. “Can I give you a prostate exam as well?”?”


	17. “I’m Dying John!”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On top of everything else, our favorite detective is sick.

“John. SH”

“What Sherlock?”

“I’m dying John. Why are you not here holding my hand as I die John? SH”

”You are not dying, you have the flu. Stop being a drama queen.”

“It’s getting darker. I can’t see. It’s the big one Elizabeth! SH”

“What? What the fuck are you watching?”

“Sanford and Son. It’s a really bad American sitcom from the seventies. SH”

“Dear lord, I knew I shouldn’t have subscribed to that service!”

“Are you coming home? I think I’m delirious. SH”

“After work, yes. I left you with a ton of drugs for the flu and your leg, the remote control and a mini-fridge full of snacks. What else could you possibly need?”

“Head! SH”

“You’re congested. You’d probably pass out in the middle of an orgasm and expect me to feel guilty.”

“Want to see a picture of my erection? SH”

“I don’t know. The last time you tried to send me one, you accidentally sent it to your mother.”

“Ugh! Don’t remind me! She suggested lotion as I looked chafed. And there went my erection. Fuck. SH”

“Why don’t you take a nap and I’ll wake you up when I get home.”

“Maybe. Everything hurts. Even my hair. SH”

“Take a couple pills for your leg and I’ll see you when I get home.”

“OK. SH”

“Love you idiot.”

“Love you sexy man. SH”


	18. “Why Are My Parents Here?!”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock has some visitors and can’t run from them.

“John Watson-Holmes! What the fuck have you done? SH”

“What are you talking about Sherlock?”

“You know damn well what I’m talking about! My parents are here! My mother is in the kitchen looking for cleanser and my father keeps following me around asking if I need his help getting dressed. What did you do? SH”

“I didn’t do anything. Your brother might have mentioned that your parents would be in town this week and they offered to stay with you while I was out of town. It’ll only be for a few days.”

“Oh you so fucking owe me! SH”

~~~~~~~~

“John! Come home now! SH”

“Why?”

“My leg hurts. SH”

“Take a pill.”

“I had to hide them from my mother. She thinks I’m five and need her to give them to me at prescribed times. I’m tempted to put them in a baggy and swallow them like drug mules do. She’ll never find them then! SH”

“Oh dear god! I’ll speak to her. Don’t swallow the pills like that!”

~~~~~~

“John! You had better limber up your tongue when you’re on your way home! You can’t begin to blow me enough to make up for this! SH”

“Dare I ask?”

“I awoke to my mother cleaning our sex toys! What is wrong with this woman? How has my father not OD’d on Valium? Jesus! And to make things that much “better”, she wants to ask questions about them! Shoot me John! SH”

“Oh dear god...”

“She went through my drawers when I was sleep and found our collection of butt plugs! She’s asking questions about them (pros and cons) then holding them up to my father asking for his opinion. You get to take them to the sex toy store when you get back! SH”

“Oh Sherlock! I’m so sorry. I’ll let you paint my toenails when I get back.”

“That’s really nice but not enough John. I’m going to take a couple muscle relaxers and a pain pill or two. Maybe I can sleep until you get back. SH”

To be continued....


	19. “There Aren’t Enough Drugs In The World To Make This OK!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The parents!

John receives a voicemail at 3:00 AM but sleeps through it.

Sherlock whispering, “I am going to kill you! My parents are taking a shower together and giggling. WTF! And the worst part about it is I have to pee!”

And another voicemail at 3:15 AM with the same results.

Sherlock speaking in a normal voice, “Well! My parents have left the bathroom and giggled their way to your old bedroom. I don’t remember the springs being that loud. Anyway, I ended up peeing out the window while I waited for them to do whatever (will not think about it or envision anything! Even when my mother giggled and said, “oh look, I dropped the soap.”). You so owe me!

John awoke around six and cringed as he listened to his messages.

Text message  
“Sherlock, you beautiful idiot! If you get arrested for indecent exposure (again), I will refrain from licking you for a whole week! What are you, twelve? Self control!”

“Self control my arse! I just limped my way to the kitchen for coffee to find my parents asleep and NAKED on the sofa. My eyes! My eyes! SH”

“Why would they be naked in someone else’s house? That seems rude.”

“Rude?!?! Rude is leaving me with these freaks for three days. I’m seriously tempted to cut off your supply of dick for a week to teach you a lesson. SH”

“Oh you wish! You can’t go two days without me touching you. And all I have to do is take off my pants and you’re ready to get down on all fours and be ridden!”

“Oh really? Who was the guy who kept wandering around the flat naked and erect, bending over every solid object begging to be used? And when I didn’t get the point fast enough, spread his butt cheeks and kept pointing to his hole. Seriously John! SH”

“I can resist your pert arse any day of the week!”

“Betcha you can’t! Although I can resist your junk without thinking twice. SH”

“Is this a dare! Cause you’re on pal!”

“It’s a guarantee! Ok, John won’t be able to resist my mouth, cock or hole for four solid days. And no wanking! SH”

“Oh you’re going down! Sherlock won’t be able to resist my cock, hole, mouth, fingers or toes for four days.”

“The toes isn’t fair but I can easily resist you. What does the winner get? SH”

“Any sexual act they want performed by the other in any given outfit.”

“Deal. SH”

“Deal.”


	20. “Listen Up!”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock takes charge.

The Holmes’ parents were sitting together on the sofa watching Sherlock stomp back and forth on his crutches. He was ranting at them. Take a listen....

“And in all my life I’ve never seen two adults act like you do! This is my home! I’m an adult Mother!” He glared at Margaret Holmes. “So quit going through my underwear drawer and asking questions! And no, you cannot borrow anything! John is taking you to the sex toy shop when he gets back tomorrow. Make a list to take with you. Torture the guy who works there if you must but leave me alone!”

Margaret politely waited for her son to stop talking and said, “Sherlock! I’m sorry if we were offensive but we worry about you!”

“Worry about me? That may explain your need to monitor my food intake and such but asking me about the Long Dong Dildo is just too much! No I will not demonstrate. No you shouldn’t get one. You’d hurt dad (again) and you’d feel guilty.”

Timothy spoke up, “actually I do have a list of things to get before we leave town. How are you feeling by the way Sherlock?”

“My leg hurts! But other then that, I’m pretty good. Now for the love of god, no more nudity in the sitting room! No more forty-five minute showers! I had to pee out the window!”

Margaret interrupted, “you could have knocked and come in Sherlock!”

“Ahhhhh!!!!”, the detective screamed and flung himself down the hallway towards the bedrooom.


	21. No Sex!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day One

Sherlock Holmes-Watson was lying on their bed with his leg propped up and his right arm thrown dramatically across his face. Gesturing with his left hand, he said “Seriously John! You know you want to do me! You came home with an erection for God’s sake!”

John Watson-Holmes was leaning against the wall and staring at his nude spouse. “Seriously? I missed you but I have control over my baser instincts so I did not throw you to the floor and attack. Besides,” he said as he headed towards the kitchen, “your cast is a turn off.”

“What?!?!”, Sherlock shrieked. “My cast is your fault!”

“Excuse me?” John was back standing in the doorway. “I don’t think I heard you correctly. Did you say your cast was my fault?”

“Yes!” Sherlock was gesturing with all his appendages. “I’d have had the damn thing removed weeks ago if you hadn’t stopped me.”

“You are a fucking idiot! If you’d taken that off, you stood a very good chance of losing your leg! What the fuck is wrong with your head? I’ve known dead people with more common sense.” John stomped into the kitchen.

Sherlock pulled himself off the bed, grabbed his crutches and followed. “And let’s not forget your insanity with foisting my parents off on me while you were gone. You’re lucky I love you so much.”

“You didn’t see them at the sex toy store. Your mother kept asking for demonstrations of the merchandise and asking other customers for their opinions. She bought a hula skirt and a coconut bra and a fake animal skin loincloth for your father as well as a double ended dildo. My mental screen shut down thankfully.” John brought two cups of tea over to the table. “How is your father so mellow?”

“Mycroft and I theorized that his nerve endings are fried after so many years with my mother. I suspected drugs but tore their house apart and didn’t find any.” Sherlock had seated himself at the table.

John eyed his spouse over the newspaper, “I did miss you and I want a hug and a kiss but don’t misunderstand this. I’m still withstanding you!”

“I want a hug and kiss as well but it won’t lead to sex so don’t worry.” Sherlock took a sip of his tea. “Your John jeans do nothing for me.”

John stood up and started removing his jeans. “But my red pants do.” He leaned back in his chair.

“La la la! Not looking! I can ignore the red pants.” The detective disappeared behind the newspaper.

“As I can ignore your nudity.” The doctor retreated behind his paper.

“Four days,” said a deep voice.

“Four days,” agreed the doctor. “Bring it on.”


	22. Day One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day One of the “I can resist you but you can’t resist me” game.

“So John,” Sherlock and his crutches appeared in the doorway. “In my mother’s freaky cleaning binge, she found things I forgot we had.” He tossed a pair of silky red pants at John, followed by a pair of black lace panties (Sherlock’s), a pair of red lace panties (again, Sherlock’s), a lone black stiletto (John’s, believe it or not) and a set of Ben-Wa balls (where did those come from? I thought they were yours! Ugh!)

“So,” John stood up, ignoring the Ben-Wa balls, and said, “I’m pretty tired. Your parents wore me out. Are you ready for bed?”

”Yes although I’m still resisting you!” Sherlock steered himself down the hall towards their bedroom. “I might even sleep in pajamas because after what you put me through with my parents, you don’t get to see the goods.”

John, who believe it or not had forgotten they weren’t touching each other, said, “as am I! I might have done a bad thing but my reasons behind it were well meant! After some of your stunts, you’re lucky I let you see my bare legs let alone balls!”

”You say that John but you and I both know that’s not true.” Sherlock vanished into the bedroom. “You’d love nothing better then waking up to a lumpy teabag.”

”A lumpy teabag?” John leaned against the wall in shock. “What the fuck have you been watching while I was gone?”

My parents were watching a really bad movie and the phrase “lumpy teabag” was mentioned.” Sherlock pulled his pajama bottoms over his cast. “I tried to ignore the whole thing but phrases kept slipping through.”

”Do I want to know?”, John asked as he slipped into his pajamas. “Can I apologize again? I really worry about you when I’m not around.”

”One-eyed trouser snake.” Sherlock ground out as he climbed into bed.

”Dear god, it may be a long time before I get head again!” John climbed into bed and kissed his husband. “I love you.”

”Love you. Would you like to show me your sugar walls?” Sherlock smirked. “Although we don’t have them.”

”How about a tongue bath?” John tried desperately.

”Nope.” Sherlock popped the p and rolled over. “And I’ve only begun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don’t know what a lumpy tea bag is, google it! I’d explain myself but it makes me laugh.


	23. Day Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John keeps forgetting!

John awoke with a rather splendid erection. Smiling happily, he rolled over to snuggle his husband and maybe grind his erection into said spouse’s buttocks when a deep voice stopped him.

“Now where do you think you’re going to put that? Are you giving up already?” Sherlock asked with interest.

“Not on your life! Just tempting you.” John climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

Sherlock glanced over his shoulder and called, “and no wanking!” He heard grumbles in return and smiled to himself.

~~~~~~~~~

John was placing breakfast on the table when Sherlock hobbled into view. His gorgeous husband usually went around naked since the cast made getting dressed annoying. Today, however, he’d gone another direction. Dressed in black lace panties and a short black silk kimono, Sherlock looked stunning. John felt his mouth go dry.

“Nice outfit,” he managed as he watched his husband navigate to the table, adjust the robe just so and then his bulge as he seated himself. “Haven’t seen that one before.”

“Oh I expect you have John but since your eyes were focused on other things, you probably didn’t notice.” Our detective let one shoulder of the robe fall down his arm. John gulped. “I like your outfit as well.”

John was wearing a red g-string. “Just a little something I picked up on my travels.” He leaned over his husband to pick up his coffee cup and manipulated his body in such a way that his naked arse was on full display. Standing back up, he smiled and said, “I know just how you like it.” A little more gyrating. “I’ll put the sugar bowl right by your hand.” He moved off. “And no wanking!”, he called.

~~~~~~~~

”John! Lestrade is on his way over with a case! It sounds like a six!” Sherlock bounced around the sitting room. “I guess that means l’ll have to put something on.” He made his way towards the bedroom. “Care to help?”


	24. Day 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Three of no sex

John woke, again, with a rather splendid erection. Knowing this enforced lack of sex was partially his fault (only partially John? Seriously?), he had no one to blame but he really wanted to come. Maybe a quick trip to the bathroom and Sherlock would never know....

“Don’t even think about it John,” said a deep voice from the other side of the bed. “Unless you’re ready to give up, say you’re sorry and wear a special outfit as you perform lewd acts upon my body...”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! You’re going to lose this one Sherlock and then we’ll see who is wearing what and performing what lewd acts!” John said self righteously. “How are you dealing with your morning wood?”

“They do go away eventually you know.” Sherlock sat up and looked his husband over. “Why don’t you try talking to it? Say the most disgusting sexual thing you can think of and see what happens.” He made to get out of bed. “I usually think of Anderson. Leaves me limp and my balls hiding up in my body as far as they can.” Sherlock moved to the bathroom. “You should try it.”

John looked down at himself and his painful erection. It was worth a try. What to imagine? Mycroft naked and erect coming at him with lust in his eye? He looked down. His erection was fading as he watched. Good to know.

“Are you going to make it two more whole days?” Sherlock was standing in the doorway, leaning on his crutches, lightly rubbing his half hard cock. “Cause I’m pretty sure I can make you forget about it.” He took up his crutches and moved to the kitchen. “I’ll make tea.”

John looked down at himself to find his erection was back with a vengeance and the tip was oozing pre-come. “Fuck!”, he yelled and followed his spouse into the kitchen. “You’re such a dick!”

~~~~~~

“Working today John?” Sherlock asked across the breakfast table.

“Yes. We have a couple people out sick today.” He looked up from his toast and said, “what are you doing today?”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll find something to occupy myself with,” he replied with a smirk. “If I order dinner can you pick it up on your way home?”

“Of course.” John put his plate in the sink and turned to his spouse. “Try to behave today!”

“Whatever do you mean John?”, Sherlock replied with an eye roll.


	25. Day Three-later that day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock is playing with John

“Oh John.....SH”

“What Sherlock?”

“I miss you John. SH”

“I miss you as well.”

“What do you miss the most? Me? My mouth? My cock? My cast? SH”

“I’m not talking to you.”

“You know you miss me John! Miss being woken up to head. Miss me joining you in the shower with an erection! Miss waking up to being fucked into the mattress! SH”

“Sherlock! Stop talking about sex!”

“No. SH”

“In fact John, I have a picture all lined up and ready to send (only to you, I’ve rechecked twelve times). SH”

“Please don’t!”

“Here it comes John! Ready? SH”

“Oh my god! You look damn good! But I’m not looking!”

“Yes you are! You know you want me. Do you have an erection at work? SH”

“I hate you!”

“No you don’t! Take a picture and send it to me?SH”

“I’m not talking to you.”

“Yes you are! But remember! No wanking! SH”


	26. Even Later on Day Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do the boys make it?

John opened the door to 221B while juggling the load he was carrying. He had stopped for dinner on his way home but his main issue now was avoiding his husband’s all knowing eye.

Sherlock and his crutches came over for hugs and affection but the detective stopped about a foot from his husband and looked him up and down. “You wanked!”, he declared.

John tried to sidestep his spouse and head to the kitchen but Sherlock was having none of it. “What did you do?” He sniffed. “Oh I see! You couldn’t wait so you wanked in the shower at work which is why you smell like cheap soap. Couldn’t wait could you! I have just the outfit for you!” He gleefully made his way to the table to open the bags John had brought home.

John rolled his eyes. “Ok, yes I wanked. But it’s your fault!” Sherlock turned to face him, brows raised. “Sending me nude pictures of yourself and then looking at me like that! I’m sorry about your parents! I shouldn’t have asked them to stay while I was away but I worry about you! So, I grovel and apologize! And yes I wanked to thoughts of you. But please, not the Sailor Moon outfit again.”

Sherlock just smirked as he divided the food. “You are so bad! But I have just the perfect thing in mind for tonight after dinner.”

John groaned as he took his place at the table. “I’m sure you do.”

To be continued...


	27. Later that night...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is John wearing???

The thief was dressed all in black, the better to blend into the shadows. Hanging quietly back from the crowds, he made his way slowly to his selected prey’s abode. Anyone seeing him would not have taken him for anything more than a waiter or someone in a similar profession with his dark clothes and tired eyes.

He turned onto Baker Street and slowly took stock of the flat he was aiming for. Lights were on but not many and the ones he could see looked to be more of a nightlight instead of someone up doing God knows what. He continued around the block.

Twenty minutes later, he circled back to Baker to take stock of the situation. Definitely a nightlight he decided. Moving quietly to the back of the building, he moved through the tiny yard to the rear door. The key he had stolen fit perfectly.

The steps appeared daunting but he was thrilled to not hear a sound from any of the residents. Taking the steps slowly and feeling for excessive squeaks, he finally found himself at the door. He knew one of the occupants was careless about his safety and often left the door open or unlocked. Tonight was no exception although he’d come prepared with a set of lock picks.

The sitting room was bare of occupants although full of just about everything else. The man tiptoed down the hallway to the bedroom, stopping to listen at the bathroom door. Nothing. Perfect.

Gently opening the bedroom door, he saw a large shape under the covers and a streak of light from outside alighting the pale sleeping face. Taking a length of rope out of his pocket, he made his way to the bed.

Moving swiftly, he made his way to the bed and grabbed one hand, looping the rope around it while swiftly reaching for the other. Holding the hands of the now-awake man, he climbed on top of him and said, “Behave yourself and I won’t hurt you. Much.” He grabbed the man’s bound hands and tied them to the bed. “Are you going to behave or do I have to gag you as well?” Before the man on the bed could react, the thief said, “never mind, I know you can’t.” He ripped a piece of electrical tape and bound the cupid’s bow.

Climbing off his prey, the man looked him up and down and said, “I imagine so many people want to do that. You really are a first class arsehole Mr. Holmes.” The man on the bed glared.

”And you have a broken leg!” The man took in the detective’s cast, bound hands and nude body. “Well today is my lucky day!” Pacing around the bed, he exclaimed, “Is that an erection I spy? You get excited when strange men break into your home?” The burgler stood at the end of the bed and unfastened his pants. “I’ll have to burgle you more often.” The man had removed his shoes and pants. “And look what you’ve done to me! Just the thought of molesting you has given me a hard on. We’ll have to see what we can do about that won’t we.”

Sherlock’s cock had begun to leak all over his belly. The visitor looked at him and said, “ordinarily I’d fuck you so hard you’d see stars but that leg makes it difficult. So,” he climbed onto the bed, “I’m going to ride you. Maybe if you’re good, I’ll let you come as well.” Pausing in his motions, he said, “now if I was lube, where would I hide?” He crawled across the bed to the side table and opened the drawer. “Bingo!”, he sang, grabbing the lube and restraddling the bound man. Taking a generous dollop, he spread some on Sherlock and then reached behind himself to prepare his hole. Climbing into position, he impaled himself on the detective’s cock and started to ride. Sherlock couldn’t articulate but he’d closed his eyes and gave himself up to the ride.

Sliding up and down his victim’s cock, the intruder put his hand on himself and rubbed in time to his movements. The cock in his arse hardened in preparation to come and let loose just as the impaled man yelled and shot his wad all over the detective. Leaning down, he licked his own sperm and whispered, “God I love you!” He licked his spouse clean and gently removed the tape. “Am I forgiven for your parents?”

”I guess,” he said reluctantly. “Now untie my hands so I can hold you.” John did.


End file.
